My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
