Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
