in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
