So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
