and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
