anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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