I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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