My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
