you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
