hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
