He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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