im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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