i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
