I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
