found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
