I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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