wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
