you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
