can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
ttyl tear gas
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Randomize
