Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
