u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
