meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
