Say something about gay babies.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
