cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
