summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
