ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
