Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
