Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
