Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
