You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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