what day is it and did you see me today?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
