The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
