there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
