I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
