I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
