I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
