Too much gin, very little bucket
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
