we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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