i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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