see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
