Capitaan dildo arrescate!
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
