That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
