remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
