how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Randomize
