Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
even my farts smell like vagina
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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