We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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