I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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