3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm gonna have a badass scar
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
