did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
