They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
