my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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