does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
