Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
