the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize