We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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