I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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