also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
