A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize