dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Green mimosas i think yes
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
