I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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