I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
our cab driver is having phone sex.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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