frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
