First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Randomize
