A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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