She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
