you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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