The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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