i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize