I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
