i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you traded sex for a burrito?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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