Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
