When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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