So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize