I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
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