Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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